Three Theories Explaining Ted Thompson's Free Agent Spree

Ted Thompson is signing free agents left and right. Since March, he’s signed seven free agents and there’s no sign he’s going to stop any time soon.

Thompson has long shown an aversion to signing free agents, so this flurry of free agent activity is obviously extremely out of character for him. Clearly someone (or something?) else is at work here, and we need to get to the bottom of it.

Here are the best theories we’ve encountered as to why Thompson has suddenly decided to dive into free agency.

Elliot Wolf is actually pulling the strings in Green Bay

The first and best explanation as to why the Packers’ notoriously conservative general manager has broken with tradition and started signing free agents is that he’s not actually in control at all. Elliot Wolf, Thompson’s dazzling young protege and son of the legendary Ron Wolf, is actually in charge.

Wolf has interviewed for personnel jobs with several other teams in recent years, and it’s obvious that the Packers promised him more power in the front office if he would just turn those jobs down. At some point since the end of last season, Wolf officially took over behind the scenes and the Packers retained Thompson as a figurehead.

Wolf’s previously disclosed “official” duties with the Packers include scouting other teams for possible free agent fits. Suddenly, the Packers are signing free agents by the truckload. Clearly Wolf’s experience with scouting other teams is finally paying off as the Packers have concluded that guys playing for those other teams had better play in Green Bay.

On top of that, how else do you explain Thompson’s reticence to speak to the media? How could he possibly speak to the media about what the team is doing if he doesn’t even know what the team is doing. He can’t give any good answers because he’s not in on the decision making process.

Ted Thompson is only signing free agents because he is greedy

An enlightened commenter posited this theory on a recent article about the acquisition of Quinton Dial: Thompson is only signing free agents because he wants to make the team just good enough that he can secure one more Super Bowl title before he retires.

The thinking here is solid. Thompson, at 64, surely doesn’t have that many more opportunities to win a second championship with the Packers. If he wants to be remembered as one of the great general managers in the history of the team, he needs to do that. The best way to do that is to sign more players that will give the Packers a better chance at winning, if only so Thompson can get that second ring.

It’s amazing how insidious this plan is, if it’s true. Thompson is greedily chasing another Super Bowl title by signing better players. How dare he put his own goal of winning another title ahead of the team’s goal of winning another title? It’s truly one of the only ways to explain this sudden change.

The free agents signing in Green Bay are part of a New England Patriots sleeper cell

Just about every credible NFL media outlet has predicted a Packers/Patriots Super Bowl showdown, and it’s very possible that each of the free agents who joined the Packers this season was part of a sleeper cell organized by the New England Patriots to disrupt the Packers organization.

Think about it: if the Packers are the biggest threat to another Patriots Super Bowl win, wouldn’t they do everything in their power to ensure the Packers fall apart at exactly the right time? I can think of no better way to ensure that plan comes to fruition than to seed undercover players within the Packers’ roster who will reveal their true allegiances at exactly the right moment.

Even some cursory examination reveals the deep connections between each of the Packers’ free agents and the New England Patriots:

Martellus Bennett - He played with the Patriots last year and won a Super Bowl. His gregarious personality is the perfect cover for the leader of a covert operation designed to destabilize the Packers.

Lance Kendricks - Former St. Louis Rams offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels was considered a driving force behind the Rams’ decision to draft Kendricks in 2011. Where does McDaniels work now? New England. That’s hard evidence to ignore.

Davon House - “I have a lot of respect for Doug and the program he runs," said New England Patriots head coach/possible Antichrist Bill Belichick of Jacksonville Jaguars head coach Doug Marrone. Now why would Belichick offer such unprompted praise of a man who’s been nothing short of a coaching disaster everywhere he’s gone? Perhaps it’s because Green Bay isn’t the only place where Belichick has established a sleeper cell. How else would you explain Marrone’s inexplicable hiring as the Jaguars’ head coach? He’s accomplished very little in his other career stops. The math from here is simple: Marrone gets Davon House cut in Jacksonville, he’s signed by the Packers, and now he’s in prime position to destroy the Packers from within.

Jahri Evans - People have been connecting the dots between Evans and the Patriots for years. It’s not a stretch to think the Patriots steered Evans to the Packers in hopes of destabilizing their main competition.

Ricky Jean Francois, Ahmad Brooks, Quinton Dial - This is the simplest connection of all. Jean Francois, Brooks, and Dial all have connections to the San Francisco 49ers. Who was the coach while they were there? Jim Harbaugh. Where does Harbaugh coach now? Michigan. Who else is from Michigan? Tom Brady.

It’s all there. Brady. Patriots. Belichick. Conspiracy. Mom? NFL. Touchdown. If I have to explain this to you, you clearly don’t want to get it.

Ted Thompson is either being controlled by the Patriots, putting his own motives above the team’s, or not in control at all. You be the judge.

(this post is a joke)